


Olympus Kidnapping Gone Wrong

by Evensings



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hercules (1997) Fusion, M/M, Minor Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26663113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evensings/pseuds/Evensings
Summary: "Oikawa's going to kill us when he finds out.""If." Hanamaki grins like the cat who caught the canary and reaches out to wrap an arm around Matsukawa's waist as they walk away. "If he finds out."_______________________A oneshot of a full Hercules AU I'll probably never write.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	Olympus Kidnapping Gone Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there,
> 
> I've been a long time reader but this is the first time I've pulled something out of my head and wrote it down. It's not perfect, but I don't think I'll ever be 100% satisfied with my own writing, so posting it now because, what the hell, why not? 
> 
> Matsuhana as a more sarcastic, less panicky version of Pain and Panic has been stuck in my head. 
> 
> Warnings for conversations revolving around killing a baby. No worries, no baby killing actually takes place.

Slipping the small child out of his bedroom and flying him out of Olympus was a lot easier than either of them had planned for. Hanamaki was kind of disappointed about it. He had made Plans. Capital P Plans, that would have been capital E Epic if they would have had a slither of an excuse to execute them. Apparently, God of Thunder, King of All Gods, Ushijima Wakatoshi didn't think security was an issue. Who would dare waltz into his kingdom uninvited and steal from him? Let alone kidnap his newborn son. _Unthinkable_. 

Hanamaki Takahiro, that's who. Along with Matsukawa Issei, his always willing partner-in-crime. And really, they are only there because their boss gave them the job. So Hanamaki guesses he can add Oikawa Tooru to that list too. He gets points deducted though, Makki decides, because he's not the one here risking his behind kidnapping the infant God himself. 

He knows that this child is an innocent casualty in Oikawa's one-sided feud with his brother. One sided because no one is really sure that Ushijima understands that they are feuding. Oikawa's words are always riddled with dual meanings and undercut with malice that seems to go over Thunder-boy's head. The young God looks cute though, he thinks, swaddled and seemingly safe in Matsukawa's arms, asleep. He's got a small button nose, and his wisps of black hair rustle in the wind as they fly down.

Seeing Issei holding a baby does things to Hanamaki, and he thinks maybe in a century or two, when they're ready to settle down, they could find a little orphaned demon child to raise together. For now, babysitting the King of the Underworld (Serving the King, Oikawa would correct, insulted, with a high pitched squeal) was a full time job that required their full attention. It's still nice to think about, maybe one day moving out of their room in the castle, finding a home with space for a little demonling to play. He's so lost in his thoughts that he stumbles as they land. Matsukawa doesn't falter even with his extra cargo, the show off. 

Matsukawa gives him a concerned, questioning look. He's obviously noticed the silence and the staring, but Hanamaki knows there's a time and place for that conversation and given tonight's task it is not now. He gives a little shake of his head, not now, and gets an understanding nod in response. As much as they love their banter, they really don't need words to understand each other. 

Unfortunately, the landing does jostle the baby enough to wake him, small whimpers swiftly give way to loud cries. Hanamaki is almost impressed that something so small can make so much noise, that is, until the kid is unceremoniously dumped into his arms before he has a chance to refuse.

"It's definitely your turn now," Matsukawa says above the cries with a grin before starting to rummage through the bag on Hanamaki's back. Presumably looking for the bottle tucked safely in one of the pockets. 

While Matsukawa is busy searching, Hanamaki starts trying to soothe the child. The last thing they need is for his cries to attract the attention of any mortals in the area.

"Hush there, ah, little one?" Hanamaki pauses, what is this kid's name anyway? He searches quickly, finding the medallion around the child's neck and turning it over. _Goshiki Tsutomu._ "Tsutomu. Tsu-chan shhhhh, Uncle Matsun's going to find you something yummy to drink, shhhhhh." He continues on, and by the time he gives up and just starts humming "shut up, shut up, shut up," in the most soothing voice he can muster, Matsukawa hands a bottle over his shoulder with a chuckle. 

"Took you long enough," He complains as he thrusts the bottle into Tsutomu's face. The kid must be hungry, because he latches on and immediately begins drinking. They both take a moment to enjoy the silence and Hanamaki begins to rethink his earlier daydreams. 

"How long do you think it'll take him to finish that?" Matsukawa gestures to the bottle. 

"Few minutes at least, I don't know how fast babies drink," Hanamaki answers. The kid needs to drink it all, 'Every last drop' Oikawa had told them in a sing-song voice earlier in the day while handing it over. How he got his hands on poison that would turn a God mortal Hanamaki didn't know. He didn't particularly care to ask either. The bottle was full, and the child was small, so he figured they were going to be there for a while. 

"And after," Matsukawa starts, "Ah, how do we want to… do this?" Hanamaki's a little surprised at how hesitant he sounds. They're demons, they've both done some pretty terrible things over the course of their existence, usually together, tonight theoretically should be just another check in the box. He has to admit though, something about Matsukawa being reluctant to kill the baby is endearing. Especially when he's feeling the same way himself. 

"I mean, once he's mortal, it should be pretty easy," Hanamaki starts, "Human babies are very fragile little creatures. We could find a cliff, just drop it off?"

"Yeah, or a river. Just, toss it in." Matsukawa brainstorms. Tsutomu is about halfway through the bottle, he's calm in Hanamaki's arms, like they aren't sitting there discussing how to end the boy's life. He wishes the kid wasn't so damn cute. 

Distancing themselves from the act would feel better. Although it would hardly require any effort for Hanamaki just to crush the child in his claws where they stand, or for Matsukawa to do the same. It feels wrong, like maybe over the course of the last couple decades they've gone soft.

Matsukawa must be having similar thoughts, because soon his face hardens, but his eyes hold a dark mirth. "We could always take him back with us, feed him to Kyouken during his next shift." 

Hanamaki knows what he's doing. Putting on a mask of morbid humor was both of their specialties.

"I can just hear Yahaba now," Hanamaki raises his voice a pitch, and flicks his head to the side as if getting bangs out of his eyes. " _You fed Kentarou what? Do you know how fatty babies are? He's a dog for a week, Mastukawa-san, who's going to clean up our house when he's having diarrhea everywhere?"_

He can't keep a straight face anymore, and Matsukawa's in stitches next to him. Tsutomu is disturbed by the jostling, but only takes a little coaxing to go back to his bottle. It's almost empty now. Soon - Soon- 

"Who's there?" A voice calls out in the dark, a lantern's soft light appearing around a bend. Shit-shit-shit-shit. The two men turn to look at eachother, and the issue is they don't really look like men. They look humanoid enough, but add in the wings, the tails, the horns, and unless their uninvited guest is completely blind, they're fucked. 

Hanamaki is surprised enough that he just drops the kid and bails after Matsukawa into a bush. Not the brightest moment of his existence, he'll admit. They hear the bottle smash on the ground and wince. The kid had definitely drank almost all of it, but there's no way Hanamaki could guarantee to Oikawa that it was every last drop. Matsukawa gives him a look that tells him he knows this as well. 

When they peek around some branches, there's an elderly couple cooing over Tsutomu. They're clearly discussing taking him home and raising him themselves. It's not that bad of an outcome, Hanamaki thinks. The kid is mortal now, out of the picture like Oikawa wanted. He'd get to live out a normal life before eventually dying, where he'd likely end up roaming the Asphodel for eternity, King of the Underworld none the wiser. He softly voices his thoughts to Matsukawa as they retreat further into the forest. 

"Oikawa's going to kill us when he finds out."

"If." Hanamaki grins like the cat who caught the canary and reaches out to wrap an arm around Matsukawa's waist as they walk away. "If he finds out."

Matsukawa smirks back at him, ducks down to kiss his temple and then lower to speak into his ear. "If is good." 

____________________________________________

Later that night, after confirming with Oikawa that little baby Goshiki Tsutomu is, in fact, dead as a doornail, it's Matsukawa that turns to him and asks a little nervously, "Do you even think about us, you know, raising a kid together someday?" 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> As I've said, this has just been stuck in my head. And I liked the idea that Makki and Matsun don't actually want to kill the kid at all, but Makki was definitely pumped for the kidnapping part. 
> 
> I don't know why it ran with me to them discussing their own child-rearing future. But I guess sometimes mid writing it just takes you there.  
> I like to think they find a little abandoned demon baby Kunimi one day and take him in. 
> 
> Kyoutani has definitely pissed off a God somewhere along the way and has been cursed to turn into a hellhound for periods of time. 
> 
> I have lots of ideas for this universe, my mind wonders to little Hercules!Goshiki too often. If I get a feel people other than me enjoy it, there is definitely more to this story we could get into!


End file.
